Chapter 2 continued: God’s Beauty Aid
Before we wrap up another chapter and begin chapter 3 of Created to Be His Helpmeet, I wanted to touch on a few things that stood out to me from last month’s reading. I love the story of the Ugly Hillbilly. As I am getting older and my body has been through my many pregnancies and I am seeing the wrinkles and sags that seem harder and harder to eliminate, I relate to the ugly hillbilly. As I have thought about this, I realized that the best beauty treatment I can utilize is the merry heart! Though my body is responding to the realm of time and the pull of gravity, my heart can partake of the eternal realm. The Bible says that the Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. The Kingdom of God referred to here is not heaven far away, but the eternal realm brought into the realm of time through the Holy Spirit. It is present in us. It is eternal life—God life in us. This is a power and beauty that the world can not attain by any magical beauty potion or body modification. If we want our husbands and children to be attracted to us, let us seek first the Kingdom and partake of its eternal fountain of youth. How can they resist a woman with a countenance of joy, a positive outlook, and a presence of peace in the home? What man would not desire that over any worldly attraction? Ladies, let’s make use of the perfect beauty aid we have—the merry heart—it “doeth good like medicine!”
I think the other thing that stood out to me was the final paragraph about being cherished. I would like to give a quick testimony. I have not endured the pain of infidelity, but I have endured the trials of Photomatic with my husband. It was an extremely trying time, as many of you know. It was like a mistress in that I hardly saw my husband and I was home raising twin babies, a toddler and home schooling 3 other children, running the company office, and running the household. It was 5 years of difficulty. But through it, God supplied my needs and I stood by Mitch. There were times when he seemed like the embodiment of Photomatic and all the trouble and difficulty. It was so hard to see my lover and friend in him. Now, though, having come through that time, by God’s grace, Mitch does cherish me. He knows now what a burden was on me at that time and he is daily grateful for me and truly cherishes me. His biggest goal in life now is to make my life good and to please me. I say this as a testimony to the truth of Ms. Pearl’s words: “She will win his respect as well as his love, because he will know that she is the kind of woman who will stand by her man. Few women ever know what it means to be cherished by their husbands, but if you love him through this kind of trouble, you will be cherished. Being cherished is much, much more than being loved.”
May God fill you with renewed strength for the work He has given to you.
Love,
Mama Amy
Chapter 2: A Merry Heart in the Kingdom of God
Intro from Amy:
It is a new month and a new chapter in Created to Helpmeet. This chapter is about having a merry heart. When I first read this chapter I was just coming out of the years of owning our own business (Photomatic). We had been through five years of deep struggle and training from the Lord. I had been stressed to the maximum and I was not very merry. This was the most challenging chapter for me. I thought it was a hopeless cause and I was just a grumpy, stressed out crab for good. I felt that every smile was forced and that the happy, smiling face that I had when I was first married was never to return. I will testify that this was not the case. I did practice having a merry heart and a smiling face, and now I think that my natural countenance is more merry than not. Praise God. I know my husband comes home to a better place and maybe he sees that young, happy girl he fell in love with now and again.
Amy writes:
These past few weeks I have been pondering several things in relation to this chapter. One is the fact that Christ (the very Spirit that was in Christ when he walked as a man, yet without sin) is in me. This is a fact, yet the world and its trouble and distractions, my soul and its worries and concerns, daily life with its day to day dealings, all persuade me to selfish thinking. Poor me, I am so busy, my husband doesn’t understand all that I do to make his life easier, my kids take me for granted, blah, blah, blah. Don’t you think that these very types of things went through the mind of Christ, the man? How did he overcome selfish thinking? I believe that it was in truly understanding who he was. Knowing and operating in the Spirit in him. The kingdom of God was in him–righteousness, peace, and joy. He rested in that and was in tune with the Spirit and therefore could do only what he saw his Father doing. Christ also endured things, he did get frustrated with the people he was dealing with day to day, but he remained unselfish and continued to press on in his work. Wow. I desire this, and yet sometimes I just want to feel pitiful. Ug. I do the very thing I hate. Well, what is the truth?—the same Spirit of Christ is in me. I want to live this out! God, help me to operate in this daily–with a merry heart.
The other thing that goes hand in hand with this and what I have been pondering is the charge to “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.” (Matt 6:33) What does it look like to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness in the day to day? As I have considered this, I have become acutely aware of how much my focus is not on Him at all. What an eye-opener! The Bible says that the kingdom of God is not about food or drink, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. (Rom.14:17) Again I think that this is related to understanding who we are, the righteousness of God in Christ with the very same Spirit he had when he walked as a man—being in the Holy Spirit; and then moving the focus from us to Him and his righteousness, his example. Then actually walking in this understanding—the kingdom of God now. This includes joy. And from this springs a merry heart.
This is a study in progress…I know it may sound like rambling and I don’t feel I have answers to these questions, but I just thought I would put out there what I have been thinking about. If you have any clarity or thoughts on this…please share with us.
My prayers are with each of you.
Love, Mama Amy
C adds to a Merry Heart:
Hello everyone,
The emails I have been receiving have indeed helped me to think about what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong. The message on busyness and good works for example (maybe a few weeks ago) really got my attention. It seems that busyness is something I fall victim to: Trying to juggle all of life’s demands. Often I struggle with having time to just be quiet before the Lord, receiving what he has for me, allowing my spirit to be refreshed and renewed. I do not take enough time to slow down. What does quiet feel like? My mind is all too often on fast forward. If we are not doing what the Lord shows us to do it seems the enemy once again has been successful in distracting us from the will of God. I think to be virtuous, joyful women there has to be order. I too want to ask the Lord to show me where I am falling short, and where I can begin to make changes.
Along with the book we are all reading, I am also reading a book called Battlefield of the Mind, (first time reader of Joyce Meyer) anyway this has dove-tailed right into what we are learning because I see how the enemy causes us to have improper thinking which creates improper behavior. He is a master at attacking us in our thought process. He knows where we lie vulnerable. Out of that comes misery, pity, unbelief, doubt, it makes us judgmental, passive, etc. which is stealing our righteousness, peace and joy.
As my eyes are being opened I feel refreshed and able to take upon the yoke of the Lord: To serve Him with joy and a merry heart. (Mt 11:28-30) It has not been easy and has been quite humbling for me at times and I do have to die to myself, yet we must tell myself the truth and believe God’s word and promises. He will give us everything we need to complete the task before us.
May the Lord bless you,
C
(6/07)
Work, Work, Work!
Sometimes it feels that all we do is work. Life is extremely busy and the daily tasks of life can be all-consuming and sometimes overwhelming. As I read what Rebecca wrote about Proverbs 31 and especially as I read the highlights from the scripture, what I heard was a virtuous woman works.
Does this seem unfair or discouraging? In this world of convenience and comfort, it doesn’t seem right that we should have to work so much.
I feel like the Lord prompted me that love is work, but it is good work and not too much for me if I do only the work that He requires me to do. So many times I feel like I have gotten into the business of doing what I think my husband should be doing—his work– and then I am over-wrought! Or that I involve myself with stuff in the world and activities that are not essential or valuable. I believe the Lord is saying, “Do only what you see Me do. (John 5:19)” In other words, I need do only what the Lord shows me to do, not a bunch of extra stuff that I bring on myself to prove a point to my husband, or to be a super-mom, or be a part of a “ministry.” If I am doing the very work that He has ordained for me, it is still work, but it is good work and He will equip me with everything I need to accomplish it.
So what is good work? A word study of the Bible on good work is very enlightening (check out www.biblegateway.com and type in good work as a keyword search.) I also like what the author, Wendall Berry, an economist, professor, farmer, writer of social criticism, and proponent of simple living, writes in his book, Sex, Economy, Freedom and Community: “Good work is small in scale, it is humble, and it involves much giving of honor.” If we think about these three criteria in terms of our work, we can use this as a judge of what we are doing. Is it small in scale: Are we looking to the affairs of our own households? (As opposed to getting all involved in other family’s business or the busyness of life, or ministries?) Is it humble: Are we doing the work without need for praise—as unto the Lord, and not needing the constant strokes of our ego? Does it involve much giving of honor: Does our work honor God by fulfilling what He has required of us? Does it bring our husbands honor in that wherever they are and whatever they are doing they can have “full confidence” in our ability to manage the household, train the children, and take care of anything that they may need? Does it honor our children, in that we are training them to be confident, obedient, loving contributors to the family and society? Does it honor ourselves by our confidence in the knowledge that we are in God’s perfect will as wife, mother, and friend?
Proverbs 31 proves that a true woman of God is not one to be served but to serve. She “works with eager hands.” She gets up early and “provides food for the family.” She “sets about her work vigorously.” Her “trading is profitable.” She is “not idle.” Her words are “full of wisdom and instruction.” In other words, she sees that her family and those she is responsible for are clothed (laundry), that they are fed (cooking), she buys and sells for her household (grocery shopping, balancing checkbook, wisely purchasing household necessities), she is not idle (projects to fix up the house, organizing, cleaning), she is giving wisdom and instruction (teaching her children.) She is busy with the good work that God has prepared in advance for her to do. (Eph 2:10)
To be a help meet to our husbands is to be a virtuous woman. It is part of the good work that we are to do. As Debi Pearl mentions, “Her readiness to please motivates her to look around and see the things she knows her husband would like to see done. She would not use lame excuses to avoid these jobs. A husband would know he had a fine woman if she were this kind of helper.” (p.24) It is clear that there is no time for idleness or extraneous, unessential occupations in the life of a virtuous woman and helpmeet. (Don’t get me wrong, we must take care of ourselves and rest and take time to be healthy every day so that we can do the work.)
I feel that the Lord is asking me to take a good look at what is claiming my time and strength. Is the work that I am involved in the good work that He has given me? If not, I pray that He will show me what to eliminate. And as I see the work that I am to continue, I pray that I would do it “diligently, vigorously, and with eager hands”.
“And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.” (2Corinthians 9:8)
Mama Amy
(5/07)
Ch 1 continued: Proverbs 31 by Rebecca
Proverbs 31 from Becca
Hello Everyone!
I have had the intention to sit down and write my thoughts for a while (or at least write an email saying “Hello!”), but I have not been able to get around to it until today. I have appreciated and enjoyed reading everyone’s thoughts on the topics of strengthening our marriages, deepening our relationships with God and continually striving to become virtuous women. I have enjoyed connecting with other godly women, who have the same focus and purpose that I have. It is my hope that we will be able to connect even more in the future.
Actually, what I wanted to write to you about today isn’t about the book we’ve been reading. I’m sure that I will have thoughts directly relating to the book that I will want to share later, but today I wanted to share my thoughts on something that I’m fairly certain you’ve all read: Proverbs 31.
I had skimmed my way through Proverbs 31 before, and thought that it was a nice passage about being a virtuous woman, but I went on my way, not pausing long enough to really reflected on it or consider applying it to my life. I was also sort of turned off by the whole Proverbs 31 thing because I had heard of so many ministries, books, articles, and clichés relating to the Proverbs 31 woman. Jumping on bandwagons has never been my thing, so I simply avoided it all together.
About a month ago, I came across the passage again, and decided to give it another look. What I discovered was amazing! I found that Proverbs 31 both inspired me and challenged me. I found Proverbs 31 to be an answer to my fervent desire to draw closer to the Lord, to strengthen my relationship with my husband, and to continually become a woman of “noble character.” I would urge you to re-read this passage and glean from the rich wisdom that is offered. It is so simple, and yet some of the best “advice” on marriage that I have ever read!
Obviously, we are not supposed to implement Proverbs 31 into our lives as a methodology to be followed. Instead, I view it as a challenge for me as a woman, wife, and (someday) mother to be lead by the Holy Spirit and make those changes that would enable me to be a virtuous woman. As we allow these changes (prompted by the Holy Spirit) to be made, we will see fruit (specifically, the fruit of the Spirit) directly in our marriage. The fruit will be there because we have sown the right seeds and been faithful to nurture these virtues into maturity. Just to remind us of what good things we can look forward to, the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22,23) is:
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control
Some of my favorite verses from Proverbs 31:
v. 11 – Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
v. 13 – She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
v. 15 – She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls
v. 17 – She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
v. 18 – She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
v. 21 – When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
v. 25 – She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
v. 26 – She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
v. 27 – She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
v. 30 – Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
That’s a lot to live up to, and it sounds like a lot of work! But I’m up to the challenge. …how about you? 
These are just a few thoughts I wanted to share. I look forward to more discussion on these topics with all of you!
Love,
Rebecca
Convenience Vs. Blessing by Keli
Keli responds to J:
Dear J,
Please forgive me in taking so long to respond to your email. I have been ill for the past two weeks with the worst cough I have ever had in my life. I am better now. I was lying in bed tonight and thinking about you. After two hours I decided it was time to get up and start typing. I wrote the following few paragraphs in my journal in 2005, when I was so incredibly frustrated with the circumstances of my life.
On the morning of July 14, 2005, I was thinking about the car accident my family was involved in just a few days earlier when the other driver (who was at fault) fled the scene. We were not hurt but sustained damage to our daughter’s car, which we will have to pay for because the other driver took off. A couple of weeks before this accident the transmission went out in my vehicle while coming home from vacation, which was another adventure in itself. The cost of this repair will take some months to save up for. It all seems ironic to me because for years my only desire was to have a car that runs. I have not desired a certain make/model or type of vehicle like many people I know.
Every time I think I finally have a car that works, something disastrous happens and I no longer have what I desired: a vehicle that runs.
I have been through five transmissions in the past eight or nine years and have continued to wonder why. So many thoughts run through my mind. Am I such a terrible person that I cannot have a car that just works? Am I so far off the mark that I cannot hear the Lord and what He is trying to teach me, that the same thing continues to happen to me over and over again? I look around and see many people who change vehicles like jackets, some of them believers. What is so wrong with me that I cannot have something, even somewhat older, than everyone else seems to have? This does not appear to be equality in the Body of Christ to me (2nd Corinthians 8).
I opened my Bible and began to read Psalm 24.
The earth is the Lord’s and all it contains, the
world, and those who dwell in it.
For He has founded it upon the seas, and established
it upon the rivers.
Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?
And who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood, and sworn
deceitfully.
He shall receive a blessing from the Lord and
righteousness from the God of his salvation.
This is the generation of those who seek Him, who seek
Thy face-even Jacob.
Lift up your head, O gates, and be lifted up, O
ancient doors,
That the King of glory may come in!
Who is this King of glory?
The Lord strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle.
Lift up your heads, O gates, and lift them up O
ancient doors,
That the King of glory may come in!
Who is this King of glory?
The Lord of hosts, He is the King of glory. (Psalm 24)
I saw these words: Who may ascend into the hill of the
Lord? And who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood, and sworn deceitfully. He shall receive a blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation. The Lord quickened to me that I am the one who may ascend into the hill of the Lord. I am she who may stand in the holy place. I am the one because He has given me clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my soul to falsehood and sworn deceitfully. AND that I have received the blessing from the Lord but it is not material things.
So many times I have considered blessing to mean wealth or the abundance of it, but that is the world’s standard/definition. God showed me the blessing of the
Lord is my husband, children, soon-coming grandchild, and the relationships I have within the Body of Christ. It is not just that I have a husband and children, even pagans have that, but the state of these growing relationships with these individuals is the blessing and the fact that they are eternal. They are treasure in the Kingdom of God.
The Hebrew dictionary defines the word “blessing” in this passage to mean “prosperity.” I looked up the word “prosperity” in the dictionary. It says “successful, flourishing, or thriving condition.” It does not specifically refer to material objects, money, or anything you can hold in your hand. It is a condition-the state of something. He (the one who can enter the holy place) shall receive a successful, flourishing or thriving condition from the Lord.
Everyone on this planet has relationships-good and bad. You cannot exist on the planet without some form of relationship. God showed me the blessing is the successful, flourishing, thriving condition of the relationships in my life.
I looked up the word “righteousness” from this passage also. It means “justice, virtue, and uprightness.” This brought to my mind the death of baby R in my home while under my care. The situation looked grim, and the officers investigating the situation questioned my care of the child. But the Lord was in it all and the investigation showed no wrongdoing on my part toward R. It was a difficult time, but the further the investigative team dug, the more proof they had of my loving heart toward R.
The last and possibly most interesting thing the Lord has shown me in this Psalm and my situation is this: Do not mistake inconvenience for suffering or convenience for blessing. The many broken transmissions were inconvenient and cost us money, but we were not suffering. A car that runs well and is comfortable to drive is not blessing, but a convenience. It is a material object, which will burn with everything else someday. Blessing is the flourishing, thriving condition of the relationships God has ordained for my life-the relationships which form the Body of Christ.
Love,
Keli
(5/07)
Helpmeet is Lifesaver by Keli
Hey everybody,
When I first started reading Created to be His HelpMeet, I was interested in knowing exactly what “helpmeet” meant. I think John Elderidge explains it best:
When God created Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo.
“It is not good for the man to be alone. I shall make him an ezer kenegdo” Gen 2:18.
These words in Hebrew have been notoriously difficult to translate. The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you, desperately.
“I lift my eyes up to the hills–where does my help come from? My help (ezer) comes for the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2
“May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help (ezer).” Psalm 20:1-2
“We wait in hope for the Lord, he is our help (ezer) and our shield.” Psalm 33:20
Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope–your ezer. If he is not there beside you then you are dead. A better translation of this word would be “lifesaver.” Kenegdo means alongside, opposite to, or a counterpart.
So God made woman as a “Lifesaver standing beside you,” for Adam.
When I read this I understood that by design I am to stand with my husband and aid him with the risks he takes. When Wayne was just a college student this didn’t seem like a big deal. But as the years went on and he became a 6th grade teacher, an assistant principal, an elementary school principal, and now a high school principal, I can see that as the risks grew, so did my love for him. Even when he was wrong (and I would tell him when I thought he was wrong) I stood with him in his decision, and every time the Lord worked it all for good according to his purpose and blessed me in the process.
Amy’s prayer and encouragement about active good will towards our husband is a powerful word to she who hears it and will practice it. Every good deed done and good word that comes out of our mouths is seed sewn that will reap a harvest one hundred fold.
Remember that you are the “lifesaver” standing beside your husband. With him you can build a household of faith. Let us press in to what the Lord has laid before us.
Keli
(5/07)
Opposite Day in the Kingdom
After reading chapter one J writes:
Hey ~ I have to say that I definitely needed prayer yesterday as well as a “you be nice!” message toward our husbands. I had left my phone on top of the car and my husband saw it, went where it was to put E in the car and left it because he thought I had gotten it – which I don’t know how he thought I had it because I had to get in the other side of the car to feed F (5 weeks old now) who was screaming her head off. So, it is no more. I went yesterday morning to get another phone and found when I got to the store (I live in the country so store is always at least 30 minutes away) that I had no money because my wallet was in my husband’s car. He tells me on the phone that he saw it in there the night before, but didn’t bring it in…and I have no gas so I have to call my mother-in-law to come help us out! Uuugghhhhh!
Now I am aware that these frustrating things happened as a result of my doing, but I would have liked a little help here! Anyway, I was trying to keep these pretty strong feelings under wrap when I got your email. I think sometimes we (ladies) would just like to have everything taken care of for us. At least that’s how I feel. I just want to be taken care of, so it’s always a bit weird when I read this book because it’s all about taking care of him! I have read this book before when I was frustrated and thought it was all his fault – I wished he was more this or that, but realized that by actually focusing on his needs that I was way more successful in getting my needs taken care of! How bizarre! One reason I think this happens is because I was focused less on me so I was not as acutely aware of the thousands of wants that I’m capable of having a day and they were narrowed down to a few that I could talk to him about reasonably. Also, when I take care of his needs and have a good attitude, it makes him want to take care of me.
All this to say that I think I’m due for another read and refresher on this book because it does not come easily to me…but I know it works! It’s also so biblically sound that even though I want to argue it, I can’t!
Hope you all have a great weekend!
J
Thanks so much, J, for sharing your struggles and your revelations! I know that it’s not easy. Some days are definitely better than others.
Did you ever have “Opposite Day” at school? Mitch and I joke that it is always “opposite day” in the Kingdom of God: give and you will receive, if you lay down your life, you will gain it, love your enemies, etc. This is one reason that Mitch is convinced this is not a man-made thing, why would a God kill himself for his creation so that He might save them…it isn’t logical or natural according to man’s standards. Yet, loving and serving others is the essence of who Christ is. To be a “Christian” or “little Christ”, we lay down our life. This doesn’t mean take a bullet for someone, but give up our idea of what we need and want and walk in what God wants for us in the day to day. This is our daily act of worship. This is true religion. What my experience tells me–and what these seemingly “opposite” ways of God show is that doing this does not leave me the poor, pitiful martyr, needy and walked on. God steps in an provides all of my needs and even wants–whether it is through my husband, dear friends, people I don’t even know, the Holy Spirit–He is the provider of my needs and desires. And He is faithful and trustworthy, even when are husbands may not seem to be.
I love what you said, J, “One reason I think this happens is because I was focused less on me so I was not as acutely aware of the thousands of wants that I’m capable of having a day and they were narrowed down to a few that I could talk to him about reasonably.” It is so true that when we become full of self pity that our needs become so much more numerous. One failure of our husbands becomes a thousand annoyances and then our whole focus is about what we don’t have or what we need. You stated the inverse so eloquently:
“I have read this book before when I was frustrated and thought it was all his fault – I wished he was more this or that, but realized that by actually focusing on his needs that I was way more successful in getting my needs taken care of! How bizarre! One reason I think this happens is because I was focused less on me so I was not as acutely aware of the thousands of wants that I’m capable of having a day and they were narrowed down to a few that I could talk to him about reasonably. Also, when I take care of his needs and have a good attitude, it makes him want to take care of me.”
Thanks again for your testimony. This is how we overcome difficulties. “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” (Revelation 12:11, KJV)
Hope your today is great!
Amy
(5/07)
Engage in Active Goodwill
While reading Chapter 1 in Created to be His Helpmeet, the sentence that has jumped out at me is: “Are you engaged in active goodwill toward your husband?” (p.22)
I have meditated on this sentence quite a bit and the following challenge has come from what this sentence implies:
Do we want love and good deeds from our husbands? The Bible says to consider (spend time thinking about) how you may stimulate one another (your husband) to love and good deeds. We can’t just require that he does it…we must think about how we can motivate him, spur him, provoke him, stimulate him, to love and good deeds.
- New International Version (NIV)
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. - Amplified Bible (AMP)
And let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to love and helpful deeds and noble activities, - New American Standard Bible (NASB)
and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds - King James Version (KJV)
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works
This begins in our mind…our mindset about our husbands. How do we think about our husbands? If our mind is set against him–we stiffen when he is near, we are miffed at his methods, we are put off by his every quirk–we will not be able to stimulate him to love and good deeds.
Here are some things that we could begin considering:
- Pray for wisdom to know what would please him. (For example: Are you serving/loving him the way he needs or wants to be served/loved or the way you want to be served/loved? There is usually a big difference between the two. Remember, too, that he may be serving/loving you the way he would like to be served/loved. Receive that form of his love. Eventually, you may be able to share with him what truly pleases you. Typically men are active and visual. Think about that. When they come home from work (or if they work in the home) if the house is visually a mess, it will typically stress him out—“I have been working all day and I come home to a mess.”–the assumption is that you aren’t working. This isn’t true and he really knows this, but if you could spend 15-30 min. with your kids picking things up at intervals during the day wouldn’t that alleviate so much stress for him?
- Notice the things that have attracted you to your husband in the past. You were attracted to him—he has an appeal that you succumbed to at one point…go there again. Seek out those things.
- Dwell on the times that he has won your heart. What trials, events, fun moments made him show his best?
- Think lovingly of your husband. Dwell on his best, not on his flaws. Make a list of his best qualities. Look at the list daily.
Once our mind toward our husbands is positive, then we can begin to think of things that we can do to bring him into love and good deeds for us and our children–help him to become his best self. Let us actively engage in goodwill toward our husband. We and our children will reap mighty benefits from the love and good deeds that will come through this activity.
Blessings,
Amy
(5/07)
Don’t get discouraged!
Perhaps you have now purchased the book and have written down the 10 things that you wish to improve in your marriage. Well let’s begin Chapter 1!
As many of you know, I read this book over a year ago, and I want to mention that when I first read it, I found it overwhelming. I saw that I had fallen short of my calling as a wife and I was not convinced that I could make so many “new habits”. I want you to know though that as I saw my failings, my heart became repentant and I just set my mind on the standards presented in the book. Now, I can look back and see that my attitude and habits have changed. I believe the Lord has done this in me as I have submitted my soul to Him in this area–we don’t make this happen, but I do believe that there is effort that can be made on our part. We can practice these new habits. We are not making a religion of it, just practicing walking in the new standards that God places before us–those things that He draws us to. Point being…don’t let this book discourage you,– let it inform you, challenge you, intrigue you, and lead you to the marriage that He has designed and intended for you and your husband. It is a worthy endeavor…a good work.
D. Pearl includes, at the end of each chapter, the “Time to Consider” section. Following chapter 1 she lists 5 traits that relate to a woman of God. If we have some time this month to study deeper, we can focus on these traits. If any of you have any other ideas, please share them. Otherwise, let’s just let this unfold. I am excited to begin this with you all. My prayers are with each of you.
Amy
(4/07)
First Musings
During the past week or so I have been praying about “the 10 things that I would like to see changed in my marriage.” as mentioned in the introduction. The way my list worked out is that they are 10 things that I wish to change about me and how I relate to my husband. As I was praying about these things, once I wrote them down and could view the list, it occurred to me (or the Lord revealed it) that all 10 things would be things that I would like to change about how I relate to the Lord as well. As I have pondered on this Ephesians 5 came to mind. The chapter talks about husbands and wives and how they should view one another and relate to each other, and then in verse 32 it says: “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” As I continue to think this through it seems appropriate to consider our husbands as our lords. By serving, loving, submitting to them, we are truly serving, loving, and submitting to our Lord.
It makes me think of the days when women always referred to their mates as “m’ lord.” Perhaps this is what I will start calling Mitch…
(4/07)
