Chapter 8: Life with my Visionary
Hello Ladies,
I wanted to greet you all and talk a bit about the new chapter in Created to Be His Helpmeet. It is my favorite chapter of the book! I had read all of the Pearl’s books and had been receiving the Pearl’s newsletter for years when a couple years ago they put in an excerpt from their pending book in the newsletter. It was an abbreviated version of this chapter about 3 kinds of men. Mitch read the article early one morning and when I woke up he was very excited and told me to get our friends Russ and Laura Marr and Wayne and Keli Marshall to read the article and get with us that night. He had an epiphany! That night we got together to discuss the article. We laughed over the course of the evening as we discovered together the “type” each of the men were. Mitch is very much the Mr. Visionary—he had the vision that morning that everyone should understand this insight of the 3 types of men! Russ, the Mr. Steady was asked to read the article and he, very used to Mitch’s inspirations, patiently complied. Keli hadn’t had a chance to talk to Wayne all day about reading the article, so when he got home from work she told him that Mitch wanted him to read it and then come over. What was Wayne’s response? “Read it to me while I ride my bike.” Then after Keli obediently read it to him he asked, “What type am I?” We still laugh at how Mr. Command Man couldn’t recognize himself.
Our three families have been fellowshipping for years and we just marveled how God put us together with each of the three types of men, so that we would share together in all parts of Himself when we received each other. Since we all first read the chapter, we have really appreciated each other’s strengths. Mitch has been so grateful for Russ’ steady, enduring character especially during the tumultuous Photomatic years. And Mitch has regularly consulted with Wayne on administrative issues that have come up in work. Russ and Wayne’s gifts have been a continuous blessing to us. I know also that Mitch’s visionary nature has inspired both Russ and Wayne at times to move into new areas in their lives and business. With the insight from this chapter it has also given us patience with the differences between us. I am sure that Mitch’s continuous idea stream and untiring energy have tried the nerves of the other men, and yet knowing that these are characteristics of the Visionary they are able to understand where he is coming from. We are more able to understand Russ’ seeming inactivity or delay in action when it comes to making a decision. He is a steady man, a deep well of wisdom and maturity that requires time to think through things. We must be patient and know that where Mitch may run ahead, Russ is going to wait on the Lord. There have been times when Wayne has come over and taken over. Mitch jokes that Wayne tells him what to do in his own home. He loves Wayne and now knows that this is the command personality that takes care of business and delegates when he sees the need. Mitch doesn’t take it as a criticism of his ability to run his own household.
Knowing what type Mitch is sure has helped me understand my man also. Mitch is the ultimate Visionary with a bit of Command thrown in for fun! Some may envy the innovation, energy and sense of adventure that I live with daily. It has its benefits. We have travelled all over and constantly are active in our life and our minds. On our 5th Anniversary he took me camping and secretly brought our wedding clothes, a steak dinner, flowers and candles. What a great, romantic thought! But there are times when the adventure has taken us to crazy, difficult places. We have been very poor and with notices being sent informing us that our house was going into foreclosure. When Mitch believed that our eyes shouldn’t ingest artificial light, we stopped using lights in our home and just used candlelight for a while. He also started businesses that ended up being a lot of work on my part to make them happen. Photomatic is not the only one. We have seriously talked about being Amish, moving to a commune, dropping off the grid and farming for survival. He’s drug me on a couple 200-mile bike treks and on a car camping trip up to Canada in November when I was 6 months pregnant, sleeping in the car in 20 degree weather for three weeks.
His inventive mind has pioneered the practices of homebirth, no insurance, home school, family bed, no TV and many other ideas that have worked well for us. I know that if I were with a different kind of man, I would be a completely different woman—and it wouldn’t be good. God made me for this Visionary. It has had its ups and downs, but I have learned to (and the insight from this chapter has helped me) enjoy the adventure. When Mitch would have an idea, I used to start right in telling how hard it would be and all the cons of the idea because it made me nervous and I would start envisioning all the work that it would be for me. I have had to learn to hold my tongue when a new business idea comes pouring out and just let him relish in the idea for a while. Mostly he just wants to explore the thought and once he verbalizes it, he can then let it go. So now I just say, “That’s a great idea, honey. I love you.” My goal is to actually truly enjoy the idea along with him…the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I share this to encourage any women who have a Visionary husband.
Sometimes I think the wives of Steady guys need a support group. It does seem to be more difficult. But remember, ladies, you’ve never had to live in a 900sq foot house with 4 kids in your bedroom so that you could run your husband’s side company out of the other bedroom! Don’t long for what you don’t have—the grass isn’t necessarily greener! Many women that I have known that have steady husbands struggle to be grateful for them as Ms Pearl mentioned. I have close family members that are prominent examples and the relationships ended in divorce. What a tragedy! They could not appreciate the benefits of having a hard worker that always had the bills paid, or the constant, dedicated (although not very passionate) love, or the quiet, wise words that never embarrassed or exhausted them. Remember that these steady men are so valuable to the Kingdom and are such solid foundations for the command men and visionaries. This stability allows the Command man respite after intense confrontations. It allows the Visionary to sore higher because he knows that a tether is not going to let him fly too far and melt his wings.
I have seen negative and positive examples of wives of Command men in my life. Keli is one of the positive ones. She has learned to honor and submit with grace to her husband. No matter what he asks her to do, she does it faithfully and with a great attitude. And he absolutely cherishes her. My grandfather was the largest personality that I have ever met. He was the ultimate Command man. Wow! But my grandma handled him beautifully! She appreciated him so much and would just chuckle when He did something overbearing. She is great!! Grandpa also cherished Grandma and adored her. They had a beautiful relationship. He has now passed away and she still refers to him as her “sweety”. Another close family member is married to a Command man also. She has fought him and bowed her back at his every command. It has made him crazy! They have a very volatile relationship and they have really struggled. It is amazing how recognizing and receiving the man God gives us–and being grateful for him–makes life a blessing and vice verse.
The most valuable thing about this chapter is not just that it helps us recognize the type of man we married, but it encourages us to embrace the man we married and teaches us ways to be the kind of helpmeet that enables our man to thrive and become all that God envisioned him to be when He created him. I believe He not only knew our men (as He knew Jeremiah) before they were in their mother’s wombs, but He knew each woman that would complete the man He created. He “fashioned” Eve as a perfect compliment to Adam—no other created creature was suitable. She was shaped from his very bones. I am convinced I am fashioned for my man and I desire–and am committed–to helping Mitch achieve all that God has for him. If each one of us asks God to reveal who are man is and how to walk in the calling of helpmeet for that specific man, and then each commits to being grateful for that man and serve him as he needs, I believe God is faithful to provide all that is required for the task. And what a blessing it is to walk in this calling. Peace and joy is the result of this obedience.
I pray that God would continue to reveal the fullness of this calling to each of us as we seek Him.
Blessings,
Amy
mamaamy said,
April 13, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Responses to Chapter 8
Dear Amy and friends,
I wanted to take a moment to check in and say hi.
I have continued to work through the book chapter by chapter. Some of the material has not been easy to swallow but as I re-read through things and pray that God will work in my heart, I’m humbly able to accept new truths about my marriage, my husband and myself.
I am married to Mr. Steady with a bit of Mr. Visionary. It is true that the slowness in his decision making can & would drive me crazy. Now when I go to him with a question, I am able to jokingly ask him to try and get back with me on that sometime in my lifetime! I also really see how it is his (and husbands in general) desire to please me. For this I am thankful. In sharing I have had to ask for his forgiveness in matters and we both have received understanding into each others personalities. This is all good.
I wonder, do we women also fall into the same three types of the triad nature?
Blessings to all, C
Thank you for sharing C. I too am seeing my
husband in the same light. I used to think he was
more visionary going from thing to thing, and now I
see that he really is Mr. Steady (with just lots of
interests.) It has shown me where I’ve gone wrong in
relating to him as well. He actually likes me having
my own thing to come and talk to him about. AND it’s
okay for him to take his time and not move too
hastily. It’s been very helpful for our marriage as I
look back. I’m learning to dream with him also when
his visionary side comes in to play, now realizing
that over our 12 years of marriage, he has dreamed big
and then stuck to being steady for the most part. The
dreaming is a fun change from everyday life for him
and get us thinking, but rarely do we make too drastic
of changes any more in reality.
Basically, I’m learning to not put on my breaks and
crush his dreams with my realistic thinking right off
the bat. He usually changes his mind before any
changing has happened, and if I choose to immediately
think practically, we loose the adventure in our
minds. Not to mention tension comes between us.
One quick example: Last year he had us dreaming of
going to New Zealand for him to finish grad school (we
live in Albuquerque). Now he is choosing to not go to
grad school so he can continue to work, provide for
us, and be with us as a family. He can go over a
start taking the test to be registered in his
profession after this summer in Arizona, keep working
for his boss here in NM and gain more years of work
experience if he ever wants to be registered in NM.
(without a graduate degree in NM, he would have to
work about 6 years more to be registered here.) Now
the biggest move he is even considering in the future
would be to the next state over. But, I learned a lot
about New Zealand in the few weeks we were looking,
and MAN! is it a neat country. Now we have a neat
place to try to visit some day for vacation!
I’ll stop for now.
Thanx again for sharing.
T
Amy and all-
, that it ends up turning out badly and was the wrong timing even if it was the right course. I have had to learn to restrain myself and not push and let God work in J in His time. I have been “spanked” by God for not doing this many times. I am not saying that the waiting is any easier emotionally, but I do have more peace knowing that the best course is for me to pray and wait. It is interesting that the longer I am married the more I can see that God really matched us up pretty perfectly. That is very comforting to me, and has the feel of a plan, which of course, I like 
. It was a great thing to read the Pearl book about men’s personality because I recognized J right off and I could see that Debbie was right in her assessment that Mr. Steadys often go unappreciated by their wives. Really, I think they largely go unappreciated by everyone: pastors, other men. They are the overlooked, quiet pillars that are holding up most of the church and society, but the other types- visionary, command- usually get the attention/praise/pats on the back in society and in the church. I’ve seen J’s good natured steadiness taken advantage of by pastors, other men etc., many, many times. You know, he isn’t the first one they think of when they want to go fishing or do some “guy” thing, but boy when they need help or advice or need some job done that HAS to be done well, you’d better believe they are pounding on his door( and pounding)! That is another time it is hard for me emotionally. But J doesn’t hold grudges, and I am trying to learn not to. So that is life as I see it married to Mr. Steady.
How are you all? We are all (except J) really sick with bad influenza for the second time this year! ARG! The kids and I were in Oklahoma City all last week for the national home school basketball championship. The kids enjoyed it and it was encouraging to be around all those home-schoolers (around 25,000 !). However, life as a single-parent-for-a-week was eye-opening to say the least! I never realized how much I depend on J till I was winging it alone! So, I can’t say I had fun, but the week had some bright spots. R’s team won 1st place and R got the “Christian Character” award, which was a neat thing for him. Sometimes he feels he is in B’s shadow, so it was nice for him to get an award. I never responded to the question about the kind of man I am married to, but I’d like to now. J is definitely a Mr. Steady. He has flashes of other types at times, but he’s pretty consistently Mr. Steady. That has honestly been a great trait at times, and at other times it is a frustration. I love the fact that J is dependable, steady, always doing his duty. He doesn’t shirk responsibility and he is someone you can count on almost 100%. I wouldn’t trade that for anything, honestly, because I have a low tolerance for risk myself. So we are a really good match in that way. I like plans, knowing what to expect, and being prepared. I don’t particularly like or need adventure. There are times that the Mr. Steady personality is frustrating to me. These frustrating times usually occur when I feel that a decision needs to be made quickly, or that some immediate action is required. J needs to think over every change or decision for a REALLY LOOOOOONG TIME. Sometimes I feel that no decision or action will EVER be forthcoming. However, over the course of the years God has shown me that when I push him to make a decision, even if he chooses the way I wanted, the “right” way
Fondly, K